Leaving Scrivener and requesting your opinion on writing style

Leaving Scrivener and requesting your opinion on writing style

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This is just a brief post.

Today I gave up on Scrivener. I have loved that program for so long, but it stopped working on my Windows 7 machine for reasons unknown and the support was less than helpful. So I used it on an ancient laptop to export my draft novel into MS Word and there it shall remain.

These things said, I have been experimenting with writing style. This is me playing around with a new opening and I would like feedback from you folks as to whether or not it is too “purple” or too familiar. What would you change?

Thanks :)

Greg

***

Cello and fiddle throbbed the Green House, tumultuous and passionate like lusty lovers in a storm. Verdant hummed along with the music as he tiptoed past dozing guards, pausing only to tut at their ineptitude. Well, that was a bit unfair. Eldritch magic guarded this place and the guards’ principal purpose was to protect him should the magic fail. They would not imagine for a moment that he would seek to escape their protection. But Verdant was a cantankerous and wilful old man and such are always a pain in the arse to those about them.

 â€˜Speak to us. We can sense you,’ whispered the first tombstone as the old man passed it. The Green House and its din was now at his back.

 â€˜Shush you,’ scolded Verdant, worried some inadvertently attentive guard might hear.

 â€˜Speak! Speak!’  chorused several other of the giant stones. They really were a nuisance.

 

 

 

 

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7 Comments


  1. That as a opening? It is pretty good, my writing isn’t all that great. So I’m afraid, help from me wouldn’t be no good. I do like it enough to hear more though lol, I always enjoy diving into someones mind.

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    1. Thanks for this feedback. :) I will provide a copy of my changes to see what people think. :)

      BTW – I twice tried to provide feedback on your post on Generalisation, failed and lost huge chunks of writing. Admittedly I did that from a Samsung phone, but thought you may want to know in case that turns out to be an issue.
      Greg

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      1. Thanks for already trying to give feedback. Did you submit it? I will have to check the spam folder I guess. I’ve noticed it puts things in there sometimes for no reason.

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  2. The style suits the content very well. It’s very whimsical.

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    1. Thanks. :) I was aiming at whimsical at this point. Throughout the novel I do change the tone quite frequently, and it even becomes very dark at times. Thanks for providing feedback :) Greg

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  3. Overall, I like it. The simile in the opening sentence did distract a little more than inform. Also, it took me a minute to realize Verdant was a name and not being used as the adjective. Still quite a good start and best of luck with it.

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    1. Thanks for the feedback. I was iffy about that simile myself. I just get worried at times about being too bland, and then find myself going to purple! LOL This said, I love the exuberance that some writers put into their words and have always wanted to emulate that. Once again thanks :) Greg

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