Leaving Scrivener and requesting your opinion on writing style

Leaving Scrivener and requesting your opinion on writing style

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This is just a brief post.

Today I gave up on Scrivener. I have loved that program for so long, but it stopped working on my Windows 7 machine for reasons unknown and the support was less than helpful. So I used it on an ancient laptop to export my draft novel into MS Word and there it shall remain.

These things said, I have been experimenting with writing style. This is me playing around with a new opening and I would like feedback from you folks as to whether or not it is too “purple” or too familiar. What would you change?

Thanks :)

Greg

***

Cello and fiddle throbbed the Green House, tumultuous and passionate like lusty lovers in a storm. Verdant hummed along with the music as he tiptoed past dozing guards, pausing only to tut at their ineptitude. Well, that was a bit unfair. Eldritch magic guarded this place and the guards’ principal purpose was to protect him should the magic fail. They would not imagine for a moment that he would seek to escape their protection. But Verdant was a cantankerous and wilful old man and such are always a pain in the arse to those about them.

 ‘Speak to us. We can sense you,’ whispered the first tombstone as the old man passed it. The Green House and its din was now at his back.

 ‘Shush you,’ scolded Verdant, worried some inadvertently attentive guard might hear.

 ‘Speak! Speak!’  chorused several other of the giant stones. They really were a nuisance.

 

 

 

 

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7 Comments


  1. That as a opening? It is pretty good, my writing isn’t all that great. So I’m afraid, help from me wouldn’t be no good. I do like it enough to hear more though lol, I always enjoy diving into someones mind.

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    1. Thanks for this feedback. :) I will provide a copy of my changes to see what people think. :)

      BTW – I twice tried to provide feedback on your post on Generalisation, failed and lost huge chunks of writing. Admittedly I did that from a Samsung phone, but thought you may want to know in case that turns out to be an issue.
      Greg

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      1. Thanks for already trying to give feedback. Did you submit it? I will have to check the spam folder I guess. I’ve noticed it puts things in there sometimes for no reason.

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  2. The style suits the content very well. It’s very whimsical.

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    1. Thanks. :) I was aiming at whimsical at this point. Throughout the novel I do change the tone quite frequently, and it even becomes very dark at times. Thanks for providing feedback :) Greg

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  3. Overall, I like it. The simile in the opening sentence did distract a little more than inform. Also, it took me a minute to realize Verdant was a name and not being used as the adjective. Still quite a good start and best of luck with it.

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    1. Thanks for the feedback. I was iffy about that simile myself. I just get worried at times about being too bland, and then find myself going to purple! LOL This said, I love the exuberance that some writers put into their words and have always wanted to emulate that. Once again thanks :) Greg

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